If you are trying to improve something in your life – build a habit, adopt a healthier way of living, advance your career, anything – you may have noticed that some of the people in your world aren’t as supportive as you hoped they would be. In fact, some might even try to sabotage your efforts.

The friend who brings you chocolate when they know you’re trying to lose weight…

The family member who becomes agitated when you tell them you’re thinking of changing careers because you’re so unhappy in your current job…

The co-worker who tries to talk you out of going back to school to finally finish your degree…

Why? Why would people who profess affection and respect for you spend so much effort on trying to dissuade you from pursuing a better version of you?

Fear. The answer is fear.

As a species, human beings like things to stay the same; we like homeostasis. Knowing that we can count on something to be the same today as it was yesterday is comforting. We don’t like it when we cannot predict how tomorrow will look, because the unknown can be scary.

Those around us might be afraid that if we change they will somehow be left behind, lose something, or be forced to change also. They may fear that the relationship or their very identities – who they are and what they mean in our lives – will be at risk.

As you embark on a journey of personal growth, you may be tempted to turn back when subjected to repeated – and vigorous – pleas by family and friends to restore the familiar because your decision to evolve has made them uncomfortable. If you can talk with them and help them to see that your growth is not a threat to your relationship with them, that’s great. But if you cannot make them see the light, it’s okay to set some boundaries around the relationship and seek the support you need elsewhere.

The way you choose to live your life – as long as you are not causing real harm to yourself or others – is a personal decision that only you get to make. The people around you do not have to like it, and they certainly don’t get a vote.

Your reason for existing is not merely to be an accessory to the bruised ego of someone else. Rather, your purpose is to live well, be happy, and thrive. Find a crew that helps you do just that.